Outrun
by stephanieebrown
Summary: Dick is having trouble coming to terms with Wally's death and needs a helping hand to deal with the grief. It's not really a surprise that it comes with the price of a pretty nasty back-slap from a certain blonde archer.


**Author's note: A bittersweet one-shot that I started typing up a while ago. Thought I'd post it now as a New Years' gift to you all.**

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_"You never really know what's coming. A small wave, or maybe a big one. All you can really do is hope that when it comes, you can surf over it, instead of drown in its monstrosity." -Alysha Speer_

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It's dark in the Memorial garden by now, the only light emanates from the ghostly holograms that flicker unevenly every now and again. The continent of North America sleeps below and the view would be beautiful if there were anyone watching it. Instead, the sight goes unseen as weary eyes keep to the ground.

Dick doesn't know how long he's been in the Watchtower for. The last thing that his mind can register clearly is his resignation from the Team. After that, he's not sure what happened. He vaguely remembers leaving the satellite but he's not sure when or why he returned because now he's sitting on the artificially grown grass in his least favourite room in the Watchtower.

To his left shines the defiant form of his lost brother. It's been just over two years since his untimely death but the pain has never lessened. Dick likes to think that perhaps Tim's arrival into his life has helped heal the gaping wound left behind by Jason, who would no longer flirt with his female friends or swear profusely at the dinner table, but he's not sure if he's just got better at lying over time. Either way, his brother is dead and he's convinced that it's his fault.

If he'd just been around more maybe he would have realised the kid's desire to find his real mother. Dick knows now (_too late, always too late_) that he should have had a real talk with Jason about, well, everything. His life, Jason's life, the hero gig, Sheila Haywood...But he hadn't and now he regrets it like nothing else because how does one get over the fact that they could have talked their younger brother out of, ultimately, being blown up?

Directly in front of him stands the memorial that Dick has been avoiding eye-contact with all night. Every time he tries to glance up, the vibrant yellow and red burn his eyes and he's forced to glare into his lap once more. Or maybe that's just the tears. He neither knows nor cares anymore. Before him stands the replica of another fallen brother. One Dick never believed would fall.

Dick is wallowing in self-pity and he knows it but he can't seem to shake the guilt off. Guilt for being the cause of the strain in their friendship; guilt for putting him through months of worry and fear, of taking his love away from him; and guilt for, indirectly, being the cause of yet another unexpected death.

Dick knows with an aching and wrenching within his chest that he should have sorted things out with Wally as soon as Artemis had returned from being undercover but. Of course, he hadn't. Truthfully, he had never forgiven the redhead for leaving the Team, the hero gig, and him behind and, in return, he knows that Wally would have never forgiven him for putting Artemis in danger. Just like Jason, he had stayed away like a selfish child. Maybe that's what he is.

Jason and Wally's fates swirl and merge in Dick's mind and there's a quiet mantra that continues to grow louder and louder blaming him for failing to be a good leader and for failing to be a good brother.

_Should have been around more. Pushed me away. Could have saved me. Could have done better. You're becoming like _him. _Should have saved me._

Their voices sound eerily like Jason and Wally's and as the mantra grows more and more deafening he's debating looking up at the memorial just once so that the pain can come and wash away the taunting. It's amid his inner debate that he notices gentle padding of feet that somehow break through the roaring silence.

He knows who his companion is without even looking. Maybe it's Batman's training ingrained within his mind from an early age that has him able to identify someone from the pounding of their feet or the irregularity of their breathing. Or maybe it's because there's only one other person who would be visiting this particular glowing grave at four in the morning.

"Hey," comes the throaty, feminine voice he'd expected.

Her voice sounds thick and heavy and Dick forces himself to look up at his friend.

Artemis is in her Tigress uniform, hair down, and eyes downcast and rimmed with the red of recent tears. Dick tries to respond but his own voice is lost to him and it takes far longer than it should for him to utter a pathetic 'hi'.

"I haven't seen you in civvies for a long time,"

Dick glances down at himself and notices for the first time that he's clad in old jeans and a blue, button-down, shirt. This revelation draws attention to the fact that he has no shades within him but, as there's no one here, he can't find the effort to care.

He has no reply for Artemis' remark and so they lapse into an uncomfortable silence. Artemis sits down beside him and mirrors his crossed legs. She takes to staring sadly at the hologram before them as Dick's interest returns to his lap. He can't think of anything to say to his friend apart from a miserable 'I'm sorry' which is about to bubble past his lips when Artemis decides to speak first.

"He wouldn't want you to be like this, you know," she tells him absently, gesturing with her head at the hologram.

Dick glances at her in disbelief at how calm she is.

"Yeah?" he replies but it comes out harsher than intended.

"Yeah," she reaffirms, "not that he wouldn't want us to mourn a little bit – he'd say that his death would 'mark the end of the world' – he's Wally you know?" she chuckles but her eyes are glistening with fresh tears and she hurries on to change the subject, "but he wouldn't want you to blame yourself."

Dick meets her watery, grey eyes stunned. _Way to hit the nail on the head._

"I'm not-" he begins to protest but Artemis cuts him off.

"Yes, Dick, you are," she tells him firmly.

He stares at her for a second before chuckling darkly.

"Is it really that obvious?"

"Yes."

Dick winces. Artemis is brutal in her honesty but he appreciates it more than she'll ever know. Wally did too. He sighs in defeats.

"How can I _not _blame myself, Artemis?"

"Well, you could start by saying that it's not your fault," he bluntness remains but there's light humour in her words now.

He doesn't smile.

"But it _is _my-"

"My God, Dick, how can you be so dense?" Artemis cuts in again fiercely, "the Reach planted the MFD's when they arrived on Earth and they would have been activated whether or not you brought us back into the game!"

Her words ring true – Dick is not so miserable that he cannot see that – and he listens to his friend with new interest.

"Don't you think that Wally would have come back to help deactivate them whether I was Tigress or not?"

Before Dick can respond, Artemis is ranting again.

"And don't you think that Wally would have tried to help in the North Pole no matter the costs?" she's almost yelling now and Dick can't remember when they'd got to their feet but he finds them standing now, Artemis waving her arms before her aggressively, "helping was in his blood, Dick. Like it's in _yours _and like it's in _mine_. No one could have stopped him from running and I'd hate to see a world where Wally West never tried to save people!"

By the end of her speech, the tears have burst their banks and are running freely with renewed vigor down her cheeks and over her chin. Silently, Dick crosses the small space between them and draws her in with strong arms.

Artemis collapses into the hug with a strangled sob and Dick can feel his own eyes burning again, threatening to betray him. After a while of just holding each other, Artemis' crying subsided. Dick tentatively releases her from his hold.

"I'm sorry," he whispers before he can stop himself.

"Don't be," she tells him firmly, "Kaldur's plan* worked – the world is still here."

Even though it is not her intention, Artemis' words spark a sudden, desperate anger within him.

"It's _because _of the plan that Wally's dead!" he bursts.

"Because of the plan we saved the world!" she snarls back.

"What if it's not worth it without him?"

His words surprise even him and leave him wide-eyed and staring at the previously-furious blonde. Said blonde's features have relaxed from their previous enraged state and now her eyes bore into him with a piercing, weary sadness.

"Dick," says Artemis quietly, "I love Wally with everything I have and he sacrificed himself to save the world. Don't tell me that was in vain!"

Feigning interest in his feet once more, Dick kicks his shoe morosely into the grass like a guilty child – which is, now that he thinks about it, exactly how he is behaving.

"What difference does it make?" he whispers at last.

He really should have seen it coming but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't surprised when Artemis stepped closer and backslapped him across the cheek. Hard.

"It makes all the difference!" she insists furiously.

Dick doesn't say anything, his gaze averted, and Artemis' eyes soften once more.

"You were still his best friend you know," she tells him, "He was never really angry at you – just scared, and worried I suppose, but you will always be his best friend."

Dick looks up at Artemis and feels a curious wetness on his face. Reaching a hand up to his cheek, it comes back damp and Dick notices for the first time that he's crying. _How long has he been doing that for? _

"You think?" he chokes out over sobs that he just can't hold back.

"I'm sure."

Artemis encircles him in her arms and, together, they sink down to the ground once more. Through his blurry vision, Dick spares a glance at the orange of his friend's get-up.

"Tigress, huh?" he notes aloud, drawing back from the embrace.

"I felt like a change," she admits softly, "I _need _to be back on the Team."

Dick says nothing as a sharp pang of guilt hits him once more as he remembers that Wally and Artemis never really got to 'retire' together.

"I don't want you to leave the Team," Artemis confesses sadly.

"I have to," he tells her although he's not entirely sure why.

"What will you do?" she asks, voicing his thoughts.

"I don't know," he admits honestly, "but I don't think carrying on at Blüdhaven's W.E will get me anywhere anymore."

"No?"

He shakes his head. Truthfully, he's been thinking about leaving Blüdhaven's Wayne Enterprise branch for a while now but he wasn't sure of what else to do until now.

"No," he concludes, "but I _was _think that the Blüdhaven Police Department could use a de-clutter."

Artemis smiles widely at him and grabs his shoulder, her other hand gesturing dramatically before them.

"Officer Grayson – I can see it now!" she laughs.

Dick grins at her sudden enthusiasm and feels immensely glad that he's got _one _person's approval.

"I could fight crime at day-time too!"

At this, the two of them dissolve into laughter and it takes quite some time for the hysteria to die down. As his smile shrinks and his expression bares that neutral tone once more, Dick finds it in himself to look up. The pain crashes into him like before but he holds his footing and refuses to be washed away. Dick feels like he's been lost at sea since the secrets and deception began but, strangely, he believes that if he can hold onto this then he can find his way to shore.

Wally's green eyes stare straight ahead but his gaze is soft beneath the mask and it is almost as if he is content. Dick sighs, but it is not as heavy-hearted or weighed down as before and his blue eyes close with weariness. Sleep would do the world a difference right now and now that the invasion is over he can finally catch up with the months' worth of rest that he's missed out on.

A small smile graces his features. _The invasion is over, _Bruce is home and he no longer has to play the lying leader. It is as if a colossal weight has been lifted off of his shoulders. Right now, nothing sound better than paying the Manor a visit. He could really do with some of Alfred's cooking.

Attention returning to the bright figure of his best friend, Dick makes a silent promise to keep Artemis safe. As well as to hold on to the ones he cares about the most. Bruce, Alfred, Tim, Barbara – especially Barbara. He's going to hold onto all of them and never let them go until they, like everyone else, inevitably, leaves him behind.

"Keep running, Wally," he whispers so that Artemis cannot hear.

_Catch you later._

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*** This refers to this AskGreg answer where he says that the plan was originally Kaldur's, _not _Dick's: **** post/50629262837/who-originally-came-up-with-the-plan-for-kaldur-to**

**I just love Artemis and Dick friendship!**

**Constructive Criticism is appreciated.**

**Read. _Enjoy. _Review.**


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